EXTRACT FOR
Japanese Robots Love to Dance
(Author Unknown)

Part 1

    

Gary Legal, Attorney at Law

    

    "Just because two people can wreak glorious destruction together, it doesn't mean they should date," Gabe Siegel stated. "This is the third time this year."

    "I know, I know," the young man on the other side of the cluttered desk replied. "You don't know her. I try to stay away, but she's like a magnet, you know. We get pulled together and-boom!"

    "Yes, I know. Boom, property damage. Expensive, record-generating demolition. You need to avoid her, actively. You see her coming, you go the other way."

    "I'm addicted. I try to stay away, but I can't. I didn't know she was trouble. If I did, I wouldn't have hooked up with her."

    "Didn't know? The fact that she's a member of the Sisterhood of the Immaculate Vengeance wasn't a hint?"

    The young man shrugged. "I thought it was a band."

    Gabe shook his head. "Joe, leave her alone. Here's a plan. Go to work, go home. Don't go out. Don't date. Just watch porn and play video games. Hell, I'll buy you a game console. I'll talk to your probation officer. But you have to stay clean for the next eighteen months."

    "I don't have a job," Joe replied. "I lost it when the mall blew up."

    Gabe clutched his temples. "You're killing me, man. Okay, I'll talk to some people. Can you stay clean?"

    Joe nodded. "Yup, I promise. Thank you, Mr. Siegel."

    Gabe winced. "Gabe. Call me Gabe. Mr. Siegel is my dad."

    "Isn't your dad that political douche with all the vid ads?"

    Gabe grimaced. "Yeah, my dad is running for office."

    "So why aren't you all in there with his posse, living the life?"

    "I don't get along too well with his posse. They're a bunch of creeps hung up on lining their pockets. I'm more of an everyday guy kind of lawyer."

    "But you got money, right? I mean, look at that watch. That's a Cartier, right?"

    "It belonged to my grandfather," Gabe replied. "My mother gave it to me. How do you know about watches?"

    "My mother worked at Tay's Jewelry when I was a kid."

    "You're still a kid."

    "You're still a rich boy."

    "Touch?," Gabe replied.

    "So why do you work this shitty legal aid job? Couldn't you get a better job? Did you piss someone off?"

    Gabe grinned. "I had plenty of offers. Folks were only pissed off after I took this gig. Some still think I did it to aggravate my dad."

    "Did you?" Joe asked.

    Gabe shrugged. "Maybe it was part of the reason."

    Joe laughed. "Respect, Mister?I mean, Gabe. You should ditch the watch, though. It stands out. And maybe do something about the suit. You look like a Guy's Warehouse ad. Nobody will trust you."

    "Is that all?" Gabe asked. "How's my hair? Too short?"

    "Hair's okay, but your name?Gabe is so?"

    "So what?"

    "So?dweeb. You should try something different, like Greg or Garth or something."

    "Garth?" Gabe replied. "No, I'm not changing my name."

    "Just saying."

    "I'll consider your other advice." Gabe stood up and shook Joe's hand. "I'll call you in a couple of days about a job, okay?"

    Joe returned Gabe's handshake. "Okay."

    Joe departed the building, looking like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Gabe made his notes on his desktab. He was just about done when he heard a loud screeching followed by a crashing sound outside. He glanced out the window to see a woman beating a caddibot. She kicked it repeatedly, berating it with curse words and insults. Gabe could almost swear the bot was cowering. It squeaked in distress as she struck it again. It tried to spin its round, scuffed-up body out of reach of the woman's heel, but only managed to wobble from the sheer weight of the contents in its basket. Gabe jumped up and ran out into the street.

    "Hey, lady," he yelled. "You can't just beat that thing like that."

    "And who are you, the robot defense league?" The woman glared at Gabe. "This thing won't even roll. What do you want me to do with it?"

    "I don't know," Gabe replied. "Maybe fix it. Look, it's not rolling because it probably hasn't been lubricated in months. Can't you hear the thing screaming?"

    "Screaming?" she scoffed. "It's a cart. It doesn't scream." She kicked the bot again. It squealed.

    "What the hell is that? Don't you hear that?"

    "If you want it to save it so bad, fifty coin and it's yours."

    Gabe reached into his pocket and pulled out fifty cashcoins. "Here." He shoved the coins into her hand. "You heartless crone."

    Gabe scooped up the caddibot and brought it inside.

    "Don't worry, little fella," Gabe said. "After work, we'll find a repair shop for you."

    The caddibot chirped.

    Gabe settled the caddibot in a padded box on the floor next to his desk. The caddibot went into power-saving mode while Gabe worked on the remainder of his cases.

    "Hey, Gabe." Gabe's supervisor Dora stepped into his cubicle.

    "Howdy, Dora," Gabe replied, looking up from his case files.

    "I heard you stuck your neck out for Joe again."

    "Yeah," Gabe answered. "He's a good kid. He just made some poor choices."

    "Be careful," Dora warned him. "Word is getting out that you're using Daddy's connections to spring your clients."

    "That's not true," Gabe objected. "I know these people on my own. Dad's connections hate me."

    "Whatever the truth is, rumors are rumors and they are getting around. Tell your clients to stop blabbing."

    "I'll do my best."

    "Good. What's with the caddibot?"

    "Oh, him?" Gabe motioned at the robot. "Project. Gonna get him fixed up."

    "It looks like it's seen better days. The ServiceBot people will be by this week if you want them to take care of it. They can swap it out for a refurb."

    Gabe shook his head. "Nah, it's my personal bot. I'll take care of it."

    "Whatever." Dora rolled her eyes. "You're a strange camper. I'll be in meetings for the rest of the day, so I'll see you tomorrow."

    "Okay." Gabe nodded and returned to his files.

    The rest of the day was uneventful. Gabe worked with an assortment of clients, all defendants in criminal cases, all in need of friendly advice and a simple break more than the actual legal aid they came in for. Gabe found it draining but far more satisfying than he'd anticipated when he'd accepted the position.

    At the end of the day, he collected the caddibot and headed over to the shops. He knew he'd find an eager vendor willing to void a warranty for the right coin.

    Elmo's Electronic Emporium was fairly busy. Gabe walked in and immediately noticed the slobby man standing behind the counter. He was engaged in a debate with a customer over the proper uses for a Wafflizer. He paused his animated discussion when Gabe stepped forward and placed the caddibot on the counter.

    "What's that?" the slobby man asked.

    "It's my caddibot," Gabe replied. "It needs repair."

    "So send it to the manufacturer. They'll send you a refurb."

    "But I want to fix this one," Gabe replied.

    "Why?" the slobby man asked. "Nobody fixes 'em anymore. They recycle them. Bring it back for a credit; get a new one. Look how banged up it is. Stop being cheap."

    "It's not about being cheap," Gabe stated. "I have a certain attachment to this little bot."

    The slobby man scowled at Gabe. "What? Are you some kind of weirdo?"

    "You know what? Never mind." Gabe grabbed the caddibot off the counter. "I'll take it someplace else."

    "Good luck with that," the slobby man shouted. "It's illegal to tamper with it. It's in the user agreement."

    Gabe waved his hand in dismissal and stormed out the door.

    The next shop was Annie's Automatics. It was quiet and empty. An elderly lady sat in a chair watching game shows on her vid monitor. She stood up when she saw Gabe walk in.

    "How can I help you?" she asked.

    "Good afternoon, ma'am," Gabe replied. "I'm here to get my caddibot repaired."

    "Oh my," the woman said. "It's seen a great deal of use."

    "Yes," Gabe stated. "I got this little fella from a friend and I want to fix him up."

    "Did they transfer the license to you?"

    "Well, no. They just gave him to me."

    "They can't do that," she pointed out. "They have to give you the license. It's in the user agreement."

    "But we can fix it, right? I'll get the license from my friend later."

    "No." The lady shook her head. "Once you get the license, you go to the manufacturer and they replace it. It's illegal to tamper with the components. It's in-

    "-the user agreement. I got it."

    Gabe left the shop, clutching the caddibot. It gazed at him, its electronic eyes almost registering fear. Gabe shook his head, trying to dismiss the sensation. It was a machine. It couldn't be afraid. 

    But no matter how hard he rationalized it, Gabe could not escape a feeling of pity for this thing.

    He had one last idea. He would hit the underground market. It sat below street level, under the entire block. It was almost like a flea market-a gray zone, housing shops that sold everything from cheap trinkets to black-market goods. Gabe knew that someone inside would be willing to help him for the right amount of coin.

    He got to the entrance and was greeted by a posse of armed young men.

    "What you want?" one of the young men asked.

    "I'm here to do business," Gabe replied. "Like everyone else."

    "You can afford to go above ground."

    "Yeah," Gabe smirked. "You know how it is. Some stuff is hard to find, some places."

    The man studied Gabe hard. "Aren't you the guy who helped Bobo with the snack thing?"

    Gabe nodded. "I remember that. Wrong change."

    "Yeah." The man pointed at Gabe. "This is the guy who got Bobo cut loose."

    The others mumbled and parted, revealing free access to the door.

    "Thanks, guys." Gabe walked by, waving at them as he stepped inside.

    The place was alive. Gabe liked the humanity of it. It wasn't the sterile, ostentatious environment he grew up in. These were real people; organic, sloppy, and living. Gabe breathed it in.

    "Re, re!" A man tugged on the sleeve of Gabe's shirt. "You need some pharmaceuticals? You got pain, stomach acid, allergies?"

    Gabe shook his head. "No, but I need medical attention for this guy." Gabe motioned at the caddibot.

    "Why don't you just trade that thing in? The company will give you a new one."

    "Eh," Gabe replied. "I'd rather just fix this one."

    "Ha! You have feelings for that thing?" The man laughed. "Hey, Po!" he shouted to a man seated on a stool in a sunglass booth. "This guy is like your wife with the vac."

    Po laughed and pointed at Gabe. "Did you name it?"

    "No," Gabe replied. "No, I did not."

    "Not yet," the first man stated. "Give it time."

    "Oh, come on," Gabe whined. "Look at it. It's got a face. How am I supposed to feel?"

    The two men laughed. "Go down the way and find Ji-hoon," Po said. "He'll help you."

    Gabe nodded. "Thanks."

    "You take care of your little friend." The two men continued to cackle. Gabe was meters away before their laughter faded into the crowd.

    It took a few more inquiries before Gabe found Ji-hoon's booth. Ji-hoon was a small Asian man on the older side of middle-aged. His smile was warm and his demeanor was inviting.

    "How may I help you?" he asked.

    "The drug pusher and the sunglass guy said you may be able to help me fix my caddibot. And before you start, I don't want to trade him in for a new one and I don't have the license. I want to fix this one."

    "Why?" Ji-hoon asked.

    "Listen, I know it's just a thing. I get it. But this woman was beating the crap out of it outside my office. Nothing deserves to be treated like that, even a robot that everybody's so eager to throw away."

    "So you feel sorry for it."

    "Yeah," Gabe admitted. "I guess I do. What is so wrong with that?"

    "Not a damned thing," Ji-hoon replied. "I'll see what I can do."

    "You're not afraid of copyrights or voiding warranties?"

    Ji-hoon laughed. "No. I'm a little past that."

    "What does that mean?" Gabe asked.

    Ji-hoon shook his head. "That means that's the least of my concerns. Me and the law have bigger fish to fry than a voided home appliance warranty. Is that a problem?"

    "No," Gabe replied. "No problem at all."

    "Good. Let me take a look at this fellow. Come on in."

    Gabe followed Ji-hoon into his booth. The booth had a workbench and some shelves with parts stacked on them. There was a curtain in the back that appeared to hide some kind of stock area. Gabe handed the caddibot to Ji-hoon, who carefully placed the bot on the bench and pulled out some electronics tools. He probed and tested for some time before he put his tools down.

    "You definitely got this secondhand," Ji-hoon stated.

    "Yeah, I liberated him from that witch with the loose right foot."

    Ji-hoon nodded. "You don't look like the type to withhold lubrication from a machine. This robot was deliberately abused."

    "Can you fix it?"

    Ji-hoon nodded tentatively. "Technically, yes. I can replace the broken motors, but these bots were designed to fail in the event of tampering. It's possible that after I repair it, it could still experience a cascading failure. I'll try to work around it."

    "What are the chances?"

    "Good," Ji-hoon replied. "I'm an electrical engineer."

    A gravelly laugh resonated from behind the curtain.

    "Is someone back there?"

    "Just my grandson," Ji-hoon loudly announced. "Ignore him. He has no manners."

    "Hokay," Gabe replied. "When can you start the repairs, and how much do I owe you?"

    Ji-hoon shrugged. "I'll start now. Honestly, the parts are barely a quarter coin. I'll do it for free. This way, if we are questioned, I was just doing a favor for a friend."

    "That's really nice of you," Gabe replied. "Why would you do something like that?"

    "I have a weakness for downtrodden robots, I guess."

    A grunt emanated from the back.

    "Silence!" Ji-hoon threw a screwdriver at the curtain.

    "Well, if you ever need a favor, let me know. Here's my card." Gabe handed Ji-hoon his personal card with his private comm number.

    "You're an attorney?"

    "Yup," Gabe answered. "I work for the community legal center. But we could work something out."

    Ji-hoon grinned. "You're going to hear back from us soon."

    "Us? Should I be afraid?"

    "Probably," Ji-hoon admitted.

    "Cool, thanks for the warning."

    "It's going to take a while to fix this. I can have it ready in the morning."

    "Perfect," Gabe replied. "I'll bring coffee, or are you a tea guy?"

    "Tea, please."

    "You got it. See you in the a.m."

***

    The next morning, Gabe arrived at Ji-hoon's booth, tea in hand. Ji-hoon was waiting with a smile on his face.

    "Here you go, my friend." Gabe handed Ji-hoon the tea.

    Ji-hoon bowed his head and accepted the tea. "Thank you."

    "It's nothing. How's the little robot?"

    "Fine, all fixed up. I left the dents because I think they give him character. He has a new coat of paint. I replaced two motors and serviced all the components. Just keep him lubricated and he'll be fine."

    "Excellent! Sure I don't owe you anything?"

    "I'll take it out as a favor one day." Ji-hoon extended his hand.

    "You've piqued my curiosity." Gabe took Ji-hoon's hand and shook it. "I look forward to it. Come on, caddibot. Let's go home."

    "Oh, yeah," Ji-hoon said. "It's probably obvious, but don't bring it in for service. They'll destroy him, and we'll get busted for contract violation."

    "Gotcha. Only bring him here."

    Gabe left the market and made his way to the office. Caddibot chirped a cheerful song as he carried Gabe's briefcase down the sidewalk. The day just seemed that much brighter with the little robot's perky presence.

    When they arrived, Dora was waiting.

    "What's up?" Gabe asked. "Did I miss a staff meeting?"

    "No," she replied. "Your boy Joe is back in jail. He and his girl trashed a BuyMart last night."

    "Great. And I was having such a good morning."

    "It gets worse. They want your head. Word is out that you have been back-dealing on behalf of your clients."

    "Everybody does it. So what?"

    "Not poor folk. This isn't going to go well for you."

    "Wonderful." Gabe looked at the ground. "Maybe it's time to go into private practice."

    "Just be humble. Let them reprimand you. Promise whatever they ask. They're waiting. Are you ready?"

    "Yeah, let's go." Gabe turned to the caddibot. "Hang out here, lay low. Recharge or something."

    The bot chirped a response and quickly plugged into an outlet under Gabe's desk.

***

    Dora and Gabe walked into the conference room and were immediately besieged. Senior staff and some county officials sat, prepared with case notes and angry frowns. Gabe took a deep breath and stepped forward.

    They all stared at him in silence until a representative from the county spoke.

    "You've managed to piss just about everyone off. Your father is not going to save your ass this time. What do you have to say for yourself?"

    "I was only trying to help my clients."

    "You mean like Joe Jones? He's a real winner, a pillar of the community. And he isn't even the worst one. I have a list here of trash you pushed through the system, using your connections. It's not-"

    There was a knock on the door. One of the staff opened it, and a technician from ServiceBot stepped inside.

    "This is a private meeting," Dora said. "What can we do for you?"

    "Who owns the illegal caddibot out there?" the technician asked.

    "We don't have any illegal bots here. What are you talking about?"

    "The caddibot with the illegal modifications out there. You would think a law center would understand the consequences of breaking a user contract. We will be reporting this. Be prepared for an audit."

    Gabe clutched his temples. "It was me. I take full responsibility. Where is my robot? I'll get him out of here."

    "You want your robot? Here. Hey, Frank," the tech yelled out the door. "Hand me the hackbot." 

    He reached through the door and pulled in a trash bag. Gabe gasped as the technician dumped the contents of the bag at Gabe's feet. The pieces of caddibot tumbled into a pathetic pile.

    "Deactivated," the technician continued. "That's what happens to illegal robots. And you will not be getting a replacement. Your warranty is void."

    Gabe said nothing. He threw the parts back in the bag and took it with him as he walked out of the room. A moment later, Dora followed.

    "Gabe, I'm sorry?"

    "I only knew him a short time, but he was a great bot. He didn't deserve to suffer like that."

    "Bot?" Dora scoffed. "I'm not talking about the robot. I'm talking about your job, your career. You're out. And your reputation? You won't be able to practice law once they're through with you. Now everyone will know that Gabe Siegel is the bleeding-heart, contract-breaking idiot who threw his career away on scumbag clients and broken robots. Do you know what you've done?"

    Gabe shook his head and put his hand on Dora's shoulder. "It's okay."

    "It's not okay. You're the laughingstock of the legal community."

    "Yeah, but not to the people that count." Gabe grabbed his briefcase and his dead robot and shuffled out of the law center.

***

    "So you took my advice and changed your name," Joe said as he sat across the desk.

    "Well, you didn't give me much of a choice. I was almost disbarred because of you."

    "I thought it was because of the robot."

    "The robot was just the icing on the cake."

    "Sorry," Joe muttered. "But I like Gary Legal. It's a lot better than Gabe Siegel. Less political."

    "You mean less like my dad." Gary shrugged. "I like it, too. It's campy and low-brow."

    "It's perfect."

    Gary nodded. "It is. So tell me about your most recent dealings with the Sisterhood of the Immaculate Vengeance."

    "Mr. Legal!" the receptionist, Denise, yelled across the office.

    Gary held up his comm's receiver. "Intercom, Denise. Use it."

    The intercom buzzed. "Mr. Legal?"

    "Yes, Denise."

    "Mr. Ji-hoon is on the comm for you. He says it's about that case you talked about."